From a link on my granddaughters Facebook page !!!
Earlier today I had a phone call from my newest bestest buddies. You know, the ones who call me several times a day, ignoring the fact that my number is registered with the TPS. Ignoring my many requests to remove my number from their list. The bestest friends that ring my number then refuse to speak to me.
Well this time they actually responded to my tentative “H-Hello ?”
They introduced themselves and, well, I’ll admit I got a little irate with the caller. When he told me who he was representing I let rip and bludgeoned him verbally. I then ended the call with a light-hearted parting comment ….. “and make sure you bloody do !!!” , having once again requested that they remove my number from their system and to which he responded ” ….. I surely bloody will !!!”
Still percolating I thought I would dial 1471 and see if there was any clue as to their number so that I could call them and complain. It was when I listened to the automated message from 1471 that I began to feel the disquiet and a measure of guilt washed over me. I discovered that Santa has a day job. After all he only works one night a year. You too would go crazy if you didn’t do something for the rest of the year.
So you see, Santa works in a call centre representing “The National Survey Centre” and he has his own personalised number. The message I heard when I dialled 1471 was ……
“You were called today at 14:07 by 0h 0h 0h, 0h 0h 0h, 0h 0h 0h, 0h 0h 0h. To return the call………”
One of the side effects of home working is the increased number of telephone conference calls that you have to endure.
When you work for a company such as the one that I do then many of the calls are international and the challenge is trying to hold calls at a time that is suitable for all nationalities.
A consequence is that for some folks the calls are before they travel to the office, so they take the calls from home, whilst others take the calls while travelling home from the office.
Today I experienced perhaps the most bizarre of these calls.
On this call there was
I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. Mind you any crying would probably have been due to hysteria.
Tried to start my car today.
No joy. Grrrr.
It transpires that the battery is flat. Now that’s a stupid phrase because the solid black lump that is at least 15″ x 12″ x 9″ (in real money) is anything but flat. To mention that your battery is flat is to invite some wag to ask “What shape should it be then ?”.
actually the more important question is “Where did my electricity go ?”
I recently filled up my battery, charged it for several hours. I haven’t driven my car for maybe 2 weeks and yet somehow all my electricity, so carefully stored, has gone. My car was locked and the alarm set so I know no one could get in. So how has this theft come about ?
In the meantime I am having to refill that black lump with more of my expensive electricity. I have checked to see if there are any holes letting my electricity seep out but there are none that I can see.
This is a total mystery to me.
Anyone who has read my previous posts regarding Facebook, or farcebook as I prefer to call it, know what my thoughts are regarding what I believe has become a pariah of our techno-world. So I direct your attention to the silicon.com Weekly Round Up newsletter – 15th January 2011
For those of you who cannot be arsed to follow the link you can, without their posh fonts and hyperlinks, read it below………
Do you sometimes feel intimidated by other people’s Facebook friends lists?
Does an impressively large number of friends make your tiny circle of mates seem insignificant?
Relax. Just because you only have ten friends on Facebook, doesn’t mean your life is a failure – although connecting with silicon.com would undoubtedly be a step in the right direction.
And as for those show-offs who apparently have hundreds of best-friends-forever?
Don’t worry: chances are they don’t know many of their ‘friends’ and are simply adding strangers to make themselves appear more popular than they actually are – the social media equivalent of stuffing a pair of rolled-up socks down your trousers.
Research has revealed that many Facebook users don’t know as many as one in five of their Facebook friends.
There is that old saying that ‘a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet’ – but too much of that kind of thinking and you’ll be one of those characters who smiles at people on public transport while patting the seat next to you.
The study, by phone-comparison website goodmobilephones.co.uk, asked 1,500 Facebook fans how many of their friends they had actually talked to via the site, and the majority admitted they had never spoken to at least half of them.
In addition, the majority admitted they no longer knew at least 20 per cent of their Facebook friends. A surprisingly honest four per cent admitted they didn’t know at least half of them.
The majority also admitted they only talked to about 20 per cent of their Facebook friends, which means Facebook is a great way of connecting with old friends you haven’t spoken to for ages – and then ignoring them.
When asked why they had kept ‘friends’ online who they did not know, over half admitted they did ‘so as not to appear rude’. Almost one in four wanted to artificially boost the number of friends they had, so it’s perhaps not surprising that two thirds of the Facebookers surveyed admitted they had accepted a complete stranger as a friend in the past.
This is the reason the Round-Up is proud to cultivate a small Facebook friends list that only includes close acquaintances.
At least that’s the excuse the Round-Up’s got, and it’s sticking with it…
Yet another drismal day here in southern Hampshire but at least someone is having fun.
Do ya know ….. I swear I saw them move !!! The frogs that is. Then I realised it was the reflection of my sports socks under the table.
There are hedgehogs playing chequers down by the fence. They play 24/7 and never seem to move. Those spines must be a bugger to sit on.
I really must keep taking the tablets. Not that they do any good, they’re for my blood pressure. They don’t stop the hallucinations. Then again, maybe they do. A reflection isn’t a hallucination …. is it ?
Argggh…I’m going stir crazy. Time to get out and about.
Recently heard part of this recited at the end of one of the “Come Dine With Me” programs. Coming out of the blue as it did, it caused a huge burst of laughter from my wife and I.
Took a bit of finding but I’ve reproduced it here for posterity. For those who don’t know, Ivor Biggun is Robert “Doc” Cox who used to regularly appear on the BBC show “Thats Life”.
(Spoken intro)
My mother had the vicar and the vicar’s wife to tea
They cleared the room, they blamed it on the dog
But it was me.
(Chorus)
I’ve farted, I’ve farted,
I’ve made a trouser cough,
I’ve whistled in my Y-fronts,
I’ve just peeled one off.
I’ve blown my bowel bugle (Alt: I’ve blown my bloody brains out),
I’ve been eating peas,
I’ve broken wind,
I’ve dropped my guts,
Open the window please
I’ve been eating cabbages, prunes and pears and beans
Drinking Dandelion & Burdock, and you know what that means
Polluting the environment, my friends leave me alone
The front of me sings tenor and the rest sings baritone
(Repeat Chorus)
(Interlude)
Bubbles in the bath! (echo: Bubbles in the bath!)
Real rip snorters! (echo: Real rip snorters!)
Up on one cheek and hope it don’t make a noise.
Window rattlers! (echo: Window rattlers!)
Cushion creepers! (echo: Cushion creepers!)
Don’t shake your leg and keep it in your courdroys.
A gentleman tells before it smells, he waves his jacket ’til it’s gone
But I’m the kind of sneaky bugger, who lets off and doesn’t let on
I let them go in lifts, in queues, in phone-boxes and trains
And when they stink, the people blink and blame it on the drains.
(Repeat Chorus)
(Spoken ending)
I say, have you farted?
Of course I have – d’you think I always smell like this?
Apparently there must be a lucrative black market in Sun Tan Lotion.
Least ways that’s what John Davison seems to think after he was caught stealing £140 worth of Nivea sun cream from a pharmacy in Portsmouth.
Either that or he was anticipating some serious sunshine.
Has anyone been approached recently by shady characters with long coats lurking in dark alley ways. “ere guv…….wanna by some cheap sun cream…..?”
With what he is having to pay in costs he should have just bought the stuff.
Watched Grumpy Old Men last night. Rick Wakemans tale of the electrical shop salesman who suggested that he couldn’t take back a faulty kettle had us in stitches.
Apparently he said it was the shops policy not to accept returns that had been used.
So how was Rick supposed to determine that the kettle didn’t actually boil.
Apparently he, the salesman, also pointed out that the packaging had been opened and was damaged.
After consulting with “head office” he confirmed to Rick that he would, on this occasion, exchange the kettle.
True Life Is Truly Hilarious
Just to air the lighter side of my earlier post (04/08/2010) regarding the abuse of my fellow photographers I submit the following link.
WrAnTz 