Just had to share….
This would be funny if it wasn’t so near the mark.
We allow the illegal immigrants into the UK and put them up in hotels.
Yet we leave our own countrymen on the streets !!!
I can just imagine what the teachers thought as they came across these. Classic.
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.’Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ‘I want to hang out with God.’
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ‘
Arthur said, ‘Yeah, that’s me…’
‘Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?’
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, ‘Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’
God said, ‘Ah, yes.’
‘Well,’ said Arthur, ‘professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
- There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
- It chatters constantly at high speeds
- Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
- The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
‘Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,’ replied God, ‘hold on.’
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
‘Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,’ God said to Arthur, ‘but according to these numbers,
…..more men are riding my invention than yours…!!!’.
I’m not having a pop at One Direction.
As far as I know, I have never heard a One Direction track and have never seen them perform on TV, so I really have no view on them as a band. I do have a general aversion to the “boy band” phenomenon and the screaming fanatics that follow them.
All that aside, this video was too good not to share.
Cartoonist Mac neatly merges the european horse meat fiasco and the UKs latest xenophobic focus, the Roumanians.
My worst fears have been confirmed. This explains why we have X Factor inflicted on us with such regularity. I wonder how early in the pregnancy you have to be absorbing alcohol. Given that many conceptions start as a result of excess alcohol is it possible that future X Factor fans are being determined at that time.
My thanks to my sister, Chris, for brightening my day by sending me this in an email.
Sex And Good Grammar
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his
This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.’
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked,
How do I stop the medicine from working?
Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,'” he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said,
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked,
What was the > 1-2-3 for?
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.