WrAnTz

My first work experience, excluding the paper round, was working as a machine operator for Battle Engineering. The firm was based in an ancient stables building supported by massive oak supports.

I started, at the grand old age of 16, in 1968 and my working day started with me having to empty the swarf from the machines, sweeping the workshop floors and then making the morning tea for the machine operators having first collected then washed the enamel cups.

Only after that did I actually get any training to operate machines. For this I was paid £4 per week.

This job didn’t last long as the firm lost a contract with Guinness Hop Farms and so after 3 weeks I was given notice to quit. At the end of my notice the boss asked if I had found another job which I hadn’t. So he offered to take me on to do some decorating. So I spent that summer up a ladder painting the outside of the building listening to the pirate radio station, Radio Caroline.

The decorating job morphed into a reconstruction and refurbishment job inside the building where I installed a mezzanine floor, removed an office structure which hung from the rafters a bit like a Housemartins nest. This work continued for several months.

Eventually, I resumed my original task as machine operator where I remained until I left, in May 1969 to start a Fitter & Turner apprenticeship in Portsmouth Dockyard.

Having recently posted about my extraordinary luck I was very surprised to receive the following in an e-mail from “barrster.godfred.m.amoah2@hotmail.com”. That was just a week ago and my then new friend, Rev. John Obi of Nigeria, had just advised me of the 10 mil I was going to get.

Imagine my amazement when I was informed of the $4.7M (or maybe $4.8M) coming my way. Please read on……

FROM THE DESK OF BARRISTER GODFRED AMOAH AMOAH & ASSOCIATE CHAMBERS SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATE ATTN: FRIEND, Before I proceed, I must first apologize for this unsolicited mail to you. I am aware that this is certainly an unconventional approach to starting a relationship, but as time goes on you will realize the need for my action. My name is Barrister Godfred M. Amoah, a legal practitioner; I am the personal attorney to Mr. Roland H. Dirk, who used to work with a Shell Oil Company here in Accra Ghana. He used to be my client before his death. On the 22nd of August 2006, it was reported to us that my client while returning from vacation with his family from Russia all died in the TUPOLEV-154 crash on his way back from holiday trip with his family from ANAPA to ST.PETERSBURG where his wife and children lives. My client and his entire family unfortunately lost their lives in the crash FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THIS CRASH AND PEOPLE, VISIT THIS http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/5276784.stm After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in re-partrating the fund valued at (Four Million And Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars),($4.7,Million) left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Security Company where this huge amount were deposited. The said Security Company my client deposited the fund has issued me a final notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confiscated within the next twenty one (21) working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 3years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you as his next of kin. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. And I will also like to invest in petroleum business after this transaction, and finally I assure you that this transaction is 100% risk free from both sides. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR CONFIDENTIAL PHONE/FAX NUMBERS SO THAT I CAN FAX TO YOU ALL THE CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN THE SECURITY COMPANY Thanks and God bless you. As I wait to hear from you soon. Best Regards, Barrister.Godfred M. Amoah.

This is the 3rd e-mail of this sort that I have received in the last month. Do I have a large neon sign, flashing “Sucker”, over my head ?

Whatever Happened To Customer Service, to freedom of speech and thinking for yourself ?

Wake up Starbucks, one of the most overblown brands ever, time to smell the coffee. Your customers are going to vote with their feet and go elsewhere.

I have used them myself, when there is nothing else on offer. Usually at international airports, late at night, while waiting to pick up some family member arriving from afar.

So far I have not had a decent cup of coffee.

And just like Lynne Rosenthal I have been annoyed by the rigid adherence, of the Starbucks staff, to the Corporate “marketing” speak that they try to enforce.

A little flexibility would go a long way to make the Starbucks experience a bit smoother. Their staff should be able to accept that their customers are not schooled in “Starbucks Speak”  and so will not use the same terminology (freedom of speech). So they should interpret (thinking for themselves) and deliver the product (customer service).

Are Starbucks staff just automatons ?

Starbucks should take a leaf out of the McDonald’s book. They are another fast food chain that I detest but only because of the way in which they serve their burgers. Go visit a  Fuddruckers and you will understand what I mean. They, Fuddruckers, have spoiled me forever.

The only reason I ever enter a McDonald’s is when I have a grandchild in tow. On entry I am usually confused by their many combination meal deals. The difference between McDonald’s and Starbucks is that the McDonald’s staff actually try to help me out by interpreting my plain English language request and turning it into a McDonald’s meal.

Apparently Lynne Rosenthal was thrown out of Starbucks for refusing to list the things she didn’t want on her bagel.  How ridiculous is that ? That’s like going to a service station to buy fuel but then having to go on to say “but I don’t want any air in my tyres, no oil and no water in my windscreen washer”. A total waste of breath and time.

Starbucks is way down low on my list of favourite experiences. Seems like I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Swear words: Are you pro or con? Swear words are available, like all words, for use. They are there to be selected from the dictionary. But like all word usage isn't it all a matter of context, time and place.

At the grand old age of 58 I think I've heard it all and heard it it in all manner of situations.

As a Teenager :

I still remember the first time and the acute embarrassment, when I swore in front of my Mum. I was home for the weekend from my apprenticeship and she was making pastry. I casually slipped a "fuck" into the conversation just as if I was at work. It was an accident. Mum never mentioned it and I pretended it never happened although I did blush. I don't think I ever heard my Mum swear and I still blush, even now 40 odd years later and even though Mum has been dead for a number of years. Mum, I'm sorry.

As a Parent :

I told my daughters that I didn't want to hear them swearing in the house of around me and their mother. However, it was alright for them to use swear words in the house, in the context of a joke. Thing is they trusted me but always made sure that they had a large piece of furniture between them and their mum just in case Mum forgot the deal.

As a Fitter & Turner in Portsmouth Dockyard :

Swearing was part of everyday conversation. If you didn't swear you were considered "posh". Mind you, when you bashed your thumb with a 2lb hammer or ground your knuckles into the bulkhead, removing several layers of skin and other issues then swearing was mandatory. Amazing how several expletives uttered at high volume can relieve pain.

Another episode was on the top of a double decker bus heading home from work. My mate and I were discussing two girls sitting a couple of rows ahead of us. We thought they were gorgeous, until they opened their mouths. What came out was pure Glaswegian and littered with "f's" and "c's". The biggest turn off ever. Needless to say we didn't bother chatting them up.

As an Office Worker in an armaments depot :

There was little or no swearing as the occupants of the offices ranged in age from early twenties through to late fifties of both sexes. There was one of my seniors at that time who was so in control of his language it was impressive. He was known to all that knew him as Arthur "effin" Wren.

Arthur was a great bloke and he every other word was "fuck". Hence "effin". His self control was magnificent. If a female colleague entered the office the "effin" would stop. When we entered the cafeteria it would stop. Now Arthur was a model steam railway enthusiast. He used to make the steam locomotives from scratch. These were scale models, the sort that are big enough for adults to ride on. One day he invited several of us round to view his work shop at the back of his house. He was chatting away, liberally sprinkling the conversation with plenty of "effs". As he turned the key in the front door the "effs" stopped. We passed through the house and out the back door where upon the "effin" started up again. After the workshop viewing, on the return journey the same thing happened. Not a slip and even though his wife was not in the house at the time. Impressive.

As an Office Worker and a Home Worker :

I find the need for expletives has diminished considerably. Especially since most of my communication is via e-mail. Obviously occasionally I swear under my breath and even less frequently, out loud. Now I have to find a way to make my feelings felt, perhaps previously conveyed by the "F" word, but by using some of the many other words available in the English Language.

And finally as a Grandfather :

With all that wealth of experience in both the use of and being the recipient of just about al the anglo-saxon swear words you would think that I couldn't be shocked. Well certainly I though I couldn't. However, my 13 year old granddaughter shocked the pants of me when she broadcast on Facebook that she had broken her mobile phone by dropping it down the toilet. She then proceeded to use the "C" word to describe her actions.

So in summary I am for swear words when used in context although I am pretty much anti the "C" word at any time.

And Becky, should you ever read this…… yes I was writing about YOU.

So what’s more important, where you live or what you do for a living? Neither. Its you that's important and how you feel.

Its not important where you live. Some people think that the size or the house of the district you live in is a reflection of their persona. Well I say, aint that sad. After all its all just bricks and mortar.

Big question to my mind is are you comfortable, are you relaxed or are you constantly primping and making sure every blade of grass is just so ? Are you constantly concerned about what the neighbours think about you then get out of there.

If you aren't relaxed and happy in yourself then what's the point.

What you do for a living is a little more important but only from the perspective that you will spend many hours working and it helps if you are happy doing it.

My manager, at our annual review, constantly bugs me about career development. I keep having to remind him that I don't have a career. I am doing a job to earn the money to pay my mortgage. When the mortgage is paid off I won't need the job. What i don't tell him is that, after 30 years, I don't really like my job any more. But I do like the socialising with some of the guys in the office and some of the folks I deal with around the world. Otherwise I would have been gone a long time ago.

So bottom line, I guess I'm ever so slightly biased to what you do for a living as being the most important.

For me Blazzing Saddles is THE movie that springs to mind as my favourite funny movie whenever I'm asked. It was of its time and still makes me laugh out loud to this day. But it is dated which is to be expected for a 1974 release. Despite the vintage it was directed by the brilliant Mel Brooks and has some of the best lines of any film.

And what a cast…

Gene Wilder, Slim Pickens, Dom DeLuise and Mel Brooks himself in many guises as well as many many more well known artists, some of whom went un credited.

I also rate, very highly, the Marx Brothers movies and Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz but they are of a different era and a different humour.

So, I think, that defining a movie as the Funniest Ever is nigh on impossible. But I will stick with my first thoughts and that is that "Blazing Saddles" is the funniest movie.