Barbara (Janet) Mayhew


My Auntie Barbara passed away on December 12th, 2010, after a long battle with cancer.

I attended her funeral just before Christmas on Thursday 23rd.  My thoughts are with Peter and family.

Once again  I  have become aware of what a huge family I belong to and also how little I know about it. Many of the folks I haven’t seen since the Sims family get together held at Henfield, June 2003.

I think it is very sad that we only meet to pay our respects to those that have passed away. It seems a terrible waste that we have not socialised with our relatives and that we are becoming strangers. Our family ties are becoming more tenuous it seems with the passing of my Mums brothers and sisters.

I would like to think that we can undo some of this in the new year.

That’s my new years resolution for 2011.

A Little Potty Humour ;-)


Recently heard part of this recited at the end of one of the “Come Dine With Me” programs. Coming out of the blue as it did, it caused a huge burst of laughter from my wife and I.

Took a bit of finding but I’ve reproduced it here for posterity. For those who don’t know, Ivor Biggun is Robert “Doc” Cox who used to regularly appear on the BBC show “Thats Life”.

I’ve Farted by Ivor Biggun

(Spoken intro)
My mother had the vicar and the vicar’s wife to tea
They cleared the room, they blamed it on the dog
But it was me.

(Chorus)
I’ve farted, I’ve farted,
I’ve made a trouser cough,
I’ve whistled in my Y-fronts,
I’ve just peeled one off.
I’ve blown my bowel bugle (Alt: I’ve blown my bloody brains out),
I’ve been eating peas,
I’ve broken wind,
I’ve dropped my guts,
Open the window please

I’ve been eating cabbages, prunes and pears and beans
Drinking Dandelion & Burdock, and you know what that means
Polluting the environment, my friends leave me alone
The front of me sings tenor and the rest sings baritone

(Repeat Chorus)

(Interlude)
Bubbles in the bath! (echo: Bubbles in the bath!)
Real rip snorters! (echo: Real rip snorters!)
Up on one cheek and hope it don’t make a noise.
Window rattlers! (echo: Window rattlers!)
Cushion creepers! (echo: Cushion creepers!)
Don’t shake your leg and keep it in your courdroys.

A gentleman tells before it smells, he waves his jacket ’til it’s gone
But I’m the kind of sneaky bugger, who lets off and doesn’t let on
I let them go in lifts, in queues, in phone-boxes and trains
And when they stink, the people blink and blame it on the drains.

(Repeat Chorus)

(Spoken ending)
I say, have you farted?
Of course I have – d’you think I always smell like this?

Ambulance Service Staff Facing An Investigation – Why ?


Ambulance Service Staff Facing An Investigation – Why ?

Because they let their hair down. Because they let off steam. Because they were relaxing.

They were doing no more than any other person does in the down times between periods of high activity. They were certainly doing no wrong.

Well perhaps I will concede that they did do one thing wrong. They published their photos on Facebook.

They wanted to share their laughs with a wider audience and in so doing they managed to alert the jobsworths up at HQ. As I have posted before Facebook is such a risky place to publish stuff. It can be a laugh but it is a doubled edged tool and for those who don’t have a sense of humour or perhaps have another agenda it provides a rich source of evidence to be used against an individual.

In this case some jobsworth at South East Coast Ambulance Service NHS Trust has said: ‘They’re bringing the service into disrepute.’

Rubbish !!!

They are showing that they are human. These folks are quite often called to appalling incidents and certainly over the last few days have been under severe pressure to provide a service to the public over long hours in and in very difficult conditions. So come on cut them some slack.

I wonder, Who found out about this first. Was it South East Coast Ambulance Service NHS Trust or was it The Mail ? Who dobbed who in ?

 

And once again the press have shown that they can bias a story such that the subject is in the wrong. With a slightly different slant this would have been a feel good article which would have put a smile on our faces.

 

Taking The Piss


Benefits Christmas: Single mother Eloise spends £3,000 to give her four children EVERYTHING they want for Christmas.
And guess what? You’re paying for it
This woman is taking the piss.
Not only that but she has the gall to allow the Mail to report on her. Either she is totally thick and doesn’t realise the uproar this article will cause or she is so programmed into the benefit culture that she doesn’t see that there is anything wrong.
My only hope is that the powers that be actually do something about this.  Review her case and ensure that she is on the very minimum that she is entitled to.  Ensure that she is only getting valid benefits.
This is a slap in the face for every decent hardworking individual that struggles to give their family a home.

BAA You Should Hang Your Heads In Shame


Yes you BAA !!!

The appalling chaos that Heathrow, this countries premiere airport, is experiencing is down to your poor management through this extreme weather. Yes it may be an unusual experience but it’s not as if you didn’t have any warning. And this is the 3rd time in 12 months that we have experienced extreme weather conditions.

It’s taken you 4 days to get the 2nd runway open. Even allowing for the huge amount of snowfall this amounts to total incompetence. You were offered help to get Heathrow cleared. Whilst some clearing activities may require specialist knowledge and specialised equipment but the sheer volume of snow required basic grunt which could have been supplied by the troops. So why did BAA not accept the governments offer of troops to help clear the runways at Heathrow ?

Also why is it that Gatwick, a smaller airport, has invested more (£1m)  in equipment to deal with snow than Heathrow (£500,000) and has plans to invest much more. Gatwick plans £7m investment next year whilst Heathrow is planning to spend just £3m over the next four years. Does this show the BAA as a forward thinking organisation. I don’t think so. Obviously Gatwick are using a different oracle to BAA.

And as for the human element. BAA may shrug their shoulders and say that the responsibility for the passengers is down to individual carriers but lets not forget the root cause here. BAA failed to keep the airport operational. Therefore the airlines were unable to fly their planes in and out which in turn means that hundreds of thousands of passengers are left stranded. I feel for the passengers whose biggest gripe seems to be the lack of communication. I have personally experienced the way in which the airline industry handles this when one or two planes are delayed. The blatant lies, the lies by omission and the misinformation. I am sure that over the last week this has been magnified a thousand fold.

Folks you have my sympathy. Whichever way you look at it BAA have let you down and they have let this country down.

Have just heard claims that the BAA didn’t stock up on enough de-icer and there are calls for Colin Matthews to relinquish his “6 figure” bonus. It just gets more bizarre.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1340754/Calls-Heathrow-boss-lose-bonus-revealed-airport-failed-order-icer.html#ixzz18qB0hLaZ

 

Why Do We Blindly Following The American Model


Product placement and annoying sponsorship credits will be introduced to British TV shows in February, unleashing a new era of cynical advertising tactics on UK audiences.
Why on earth would we product placement, sponsorship alerts and all the other possible irritants thrust into our living rooms.
We already have too many adverts on our TVs. ITV throws up adverts at the most inopportune moments in TV dramas and also during sports events. These spoil the flow of the action and can destroy the atmosphere of a great drama. Sky is worse with seemingly unending commercial breaks. The only benefit being that you can leave the room and make a pot of tea during a Sky break.
At least on BBC and Sky you can watch a movie from start to finish without any breaks so you can totally immerse yourself.
Lets not forget that we already have to suffer DOGs (Digital On-Screen Graphics) on most channels these days. These are already being “enhanced” by the addition of blurb previewing up coming programs. We are not stupid, we know that these are there purely to imprint the brand in our psyche.
Despite what the broadcasters say i.e that the DOGs are there to help us identify their channels when tuning our TVs. What a load of twaddle given how smart the current electronic equipment is . My TV was able to tune all the stations in and identify them all without, I am sure, reading the DOG that was displayed in the corner of the screen.
I have experienced TV around the world and we should feel proud that we have pretty much resisted the worst elements. Our generally blind following of US trends and our now apparent migration to the US style of TV is the thin end of the wedge.
The powers that be in allowing product placement to join all this other visual graffiti are doing us, the great british public, a disservice and I for one, do not want it.

Mail Article Is Misleading


Distraught children find dead deer entombed in icy lake on ‘magical’ trip to see Father Christmas at country park
Did any children actually discover these deer ? I doubt it. This is the press sensationlising a mildly interesting story. Yes some children have probably seen parts of some deer projecting from the ice. Did it horrify them or Traumatise them ? I sincerely doubt it.
If  an employee from Whitworth Hall Country Park had reported this I doubt it would have warranted a headline in a national paper.
This is just one of the many sad events that are occurring all over the country while we are locked into this foul weather.
Time for some balanced reporting don’t you think

Brucies Got Talent


If Simon Cowell gets a knighthood and Bruce Forsyth doesn’t that will be a travesty.

Brucie has been entertaining the UK for over 70 years.

What has Simon Cowell done ?

Well he, Cowell has blighted UK television for a start. X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and so forth all prime examples of how money and hype can sway public opinions.

I like a talent show as much as the next person. But the Cowell touch is just too much. These programs are oversold, the acts are over produced. We don’t actually see the natural talent shining through.

I for one am gagging as a result of being force-fed these shows. It’s almost 24/7. There is no let up. You turn on the TV and no matter what show you watch they have to have a guest appearance of the latest Cowell protegé. You can turn from ITV to BBC and see the same folks performing the same songs within an hour or so.

There is so little news that our papers are filled with latest Cowell celebrity “news” to the extent that it precedes real news.

In contrast, Bruce has appeared on our screens for many decades. He elicits real warmth of feeling from the public despite his trademark corny, recycled, jokes. Although every now and agin he does produce a real gem. And he has real talent and charisma, proven by how long he has survived. Also remarkable is the fact, that in an increasingly ageist profession, he is able to continue working.

What is amazing is the fact that he has not yet been nominated for a knighthood.

And why is that ? Is it because he doesn’t line the pockets of our government ministers or more specifically their party coffers.

Over the years it has become increasingly obvious how our governments have become more susceptible to the spin, hype and celebrity promotion of business.

Is this the real reason that the likes of Cowell will be rewarded and Brucie won’t.

Who’s Got Talent ? ….. Brucies Got Talent !!!

Are We Supposed To Feel Sorry For Julian Assange ?


Do you ? Because I don’t.

Assange and WikiLeaks are the worst face of our society today where it seems some people think that it is the publics right to know everything about everyone and beggar the consequences.

What did he expect when he started WikiLeaks ? A pat on the back, awards for journalistic excellence ?

If you run amuck stamping people’s toes you must expect there to be consequences. Or to put it another way, you reap what you sow.

Mr Assange seems keen to propagate the theory that the allegations being made against him by two women in Sweden are part of a smear campaign. Perhaps part of a wider conspiracy that will see him extradited to the US where, perhaps quite rightly, he is scared he will end up.

Recently, U.S. Vice President Joe Biden, has indicated that the actions of WikiLeaks and Julian Assange have made it difficult to conduct business with friends and allies .

Diplomacy is difficult enough without raising the paranoia levels of everyone involved.
My view, he deserves everything he gets.