Day: June 30, 2010

My Resume


  1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, But I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.
  2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
  3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn’t suited for it — mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
  4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
  5. Then,  I tried being a Chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn’t have the thyme.
  6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.. I couldn’t cut the mustard.
  7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn’t noteworthy.
  8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn’t have any patience.
  9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried hard but just didn’t fit in.
  10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income.
  11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
  12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
  13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian – until I realized there was no future in it.
  14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was the same old grind.
  15. So, I tried Retirement and found …. I’M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

The Return


Have been back a couple of days now having spent a glorious 2 weeks on the island of Minorca and I have to say the return has been a bit of a shock.

First of all what about the weather ? Seems the UK has had generally better weather than we had. Then there is the 1st day back at work. Normally I power on my laptop and plough through hundreds of e-mails. But not this time.

Yup, I turned on my laptop. Remembered my Power On Password, no problemo. Long pause while the laptop blew the dust of all those important files, that no one knows anything about, then started to Windows crank up and asked for the password. One hour later I am still pondering what it was, having already made multiple wrong choices and berating myself for not writing it down. After all didn’t I have the same problem last year ???

Eventually, I struck gold and I was in. After what seemed like another hour while my laptop fired up the wireless connection, fired up AT&T something or other, informed me that there were numerous important Windows updates waiting (aren’t there always) I was finally able to fire up Bloated Goats. Sorry, Lotus Notes. The e-mail tool of choice for our company.

Anyway, I always cringe when I sign back on after a long break. There is usually a tidal wave of e-mails and some kind of panic underway. But not this time. Yes there were loads of e-mails but not the usual deluge. Biggest surprise has to be that there were no panics !!! Well there was one …. remember I had forgotten my Windows password.

So re-entry was relatively calm. Except now I’m becoming paranoid.

Where are all the e-mails. Have all my colleagues, scattered over the globe forgotten me ?

Where are the usual panics ?

I have my suspicions. They have saved them all up for my return as part of a global conspiracy and will unleash them in one huge tsunami.

Or is there really peace on earth ?

Come On FIFA, Its Time To Wake Up


I’m not a football fan but I have watched a few games over the last couple of weeks and it is blindingly obvious.

Its time football embraced the use of the technology available to support the referees and referees assistants. Didn’t they used to be called linesmen ?

There have been so many wrong calls during the world cup, highlighted by the TV cameras having better views than the refs. Not the least of which the disallowed goal in the England / Germany match.